Mister

not gunna lie, you've been on my mind a lot lately nd idk if it should be that way. fuck as much as i dont wanna think about how much i really do miss you you're always gunna be there. i feel like everything since you has been me experimenting like kraazy. never knowing wut i want anymore. i dont understand either. yea you loved me, got to know me more than anybody has ever tried, but i could only take so much disappointment. you'd probably argue that. too stubborn to buck down, too proud. but freal, that day? you couldnt even say anything to me. you just let me feel it all through silence. like you didnt care. nd now? you dont stop saying how much you love and miss me. gawwd if you could've just told me that wen it ended. would've saved me a lot thought over why i even bothered. would've saved me a lot of dumb feelings. so why all this thought about you now? mayb bcuz i have nothing to distract me, no one?...the distance to you is even greater than bfor now...idk. i think its just that ill always care. BUT its time for a new distraction...

sitting, waiting, wishing

daang schools been takin overrr. seems like all i do is study now. i guess its worth it though, grades are back up nd im feelin accomplishMENT? aha. stilll. hate how everythings has to be hecka organized now. organize friends. organize school. organize sports. nd wen there is time to do sumthn its like uhh wut do i do? hit people up? or use just hav long deserved me time? weather doesnt help much either. has me sleeping always. just wanna go back to the old days once in a while where it was just hangin out eatin all Kevins food, or movie nites on Miggy's roof. haha. like cant even focus rite now. book report -_-. fuck that. i just wanna sleep again. feel hecka unproductive all the time now. feel that way but then i end up just fillin up my schedule with things i HAVE to do. making me hella busy again wer i dont even pause. fuckin energizer bunny. ha. i dont even feel like myself mostly anymore. feel hella selfish since i dont hav time to help anyone out nd wut not. dont like it =/i just wanna take things as they come again. enjoy the simple things.....breaks soon...change of direction?